That little voice inside your head you start to hear when you embark on something uncertain and awe-inspiring, like an ultramarathon.
I started hearing it last weekend, in the Ultra Montseny, an hour or so into the race.
It became more insistent until it was the only voice in my head, and it stuck around until an hour or two before the finish, when I heard it less and less. It’s job had been done.
“Protect your legs on the downhills.” “Remember to eat and drink.”, “You’re doing it!” “Well done!” “Nice work!” “Keep it up!”
It was like having a coach in my ear, telling me what I needed to be doing and urging me on.
On and on it went, talking me through the entire part of the race when everything was uncertain. I wasn’t sure I could do that distance without destroying my legs. I’d never done a race that long or with so much elevation change.
Novelty and uncertainty
I’d like to have this voice booming in my head more often. It’s always there, I think. But it normally doesn’t say much, or is drowned out by other voices.
But it’d be great to have this voice coaching me through my day, keeping me on the straight and narrow, away from distractions and time-wasting.
But I don’t think it works like that. The circumstances need to be right for this voice to take control and be the only one in my head.
What are those circumstances?
Novelty and uncertainty. It also has to be something important. It has to matter.
This is when I’ve heard it before.
On a skydiving jump that went wrong (and just about on every other jump but particularly that day) to in just about all long and ambitious runs or races I’ve done, from road marathons to ultras.
The first time I remember it taking over when running was in a trail marathon, my first marathon of any kind, in Segovia, Castellón.
I was just under halfway through. Running well, but with cramps coming on. From then the voice took over, telling my what to do, how to make the most out of that situation. Talking me to the finish line and through some tough, cramped-filled kilometres.
But it goes when I don’t need it any more. When it’s bored, I think. Given how much it seems to like novelty and a challenge.
Last weekend, when I was nearly up the biggest and second-last climb of the day, I started to hear it less. I still had a couple of hours and one climb to go. But the voice was no more.
The result was certain — I was definitely making it to the finish line, mostly intact — so it had nothing else to say.
The last couple of hours were a struggle, perhaps more so than the previous ones, but there was no uncertainty, no challenge. So what use would that helpful voice have been?
I could conjure it up. But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t coming in and taking control as it had for 75% of the race
How to hear that voice more often?
To hear that voice everyday, I guess I’d have to put myself in novel and challenging situations that matter everyday. The “matter” part matters. Self-imposed deadlines ain’t going to cut it. Or would they?
Maybe I could cram more into my day. Make life tougher so that the voice came out more often.
I’d have to give myself no outs, though. Hmm… Easier said than done.
It’s also probably why I like running and doing races, challenging myself in some way to hear that voice. It feels great to be in that mindset. You are focussed, not thinking about anything else but the challenge at hand.
Just got to make sure I sign up for another race, I guess.
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